I somewhat condradicted myself...

Two blogs ago in a far far away kingdom...jk...anyway two blogs ago I was talking about how most memories of my childhood are negative ones...the truth is...I know I've had great times as a kid growing up and I have stories for those times as well...most of the time I'm thinking of the bad things partly because I need to heal from it and have yet to do so I guess...I'm more about saying how I feel in the moment...this is going to be a long road for sure...

Take me to another place, take me to another land...

I'm too excited! I'm going back home! I can't wait, I leave Thursday! It's a road trip slash going back home trip :). I'll be traveling the west coast, Santa Barbara to Seattle and beyond! On the way I plan on stopping in Astoria/Canon Beach. They filmed The Goonies there, and Oregon has the most beautiful beaches I've been to so far...I remember as a kid, going there on a huge family vaca, I was about 4 yrs old I remember burying my cousin in the sand up to his neck. I remember stopping at a relatives house for dinner and being outside on the deck...there were big birds flying over and I remember the grown ups there telling us we would have to go inside because the birds will grab us and fly away. Looking back on that now I can't be so sure they were being truthful :P I remember trying to play "baseball" with the apple or apricot tree out front or maybe we were being pesky kids just throwing them at each other...I also remember going on a long walk through the long grass with all my family we walked through the vegetable garden to get to the field...its strange that only at 4yrs old I can remember such fond memories :)

Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I've been pondering over the idea of writing a biography...actually I know I want to but my main focus is the hardship I went through as a child...mainly from what I can remember my childhood wasn't good in the least bit...any memory of happiness there comes a memory of desolation. There are a few reasons why I haven't started this process one) my dad is the one that put my through it and out of respect for him I would like to create this after his passing 2) I know I haven't gotten over the things that have happened to me in my pass and I know it greatly effected who I am today and why I am today...its going to be a very heart wrenching experience...it will be very therapudic...I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to go through that yet, although this may be my turning point...I know I need to go through this healing process to fully come into the person I've always meant to be...bascially I'm scared. 3) I just don't know where to start what to say or how to say it...I often tell my stories to my close friends and they're always telling me I need to write this down...write that down...write a book about this...and I want to...I just don't know where to begin. Maybe this is my beggining :)