Letters to Dad 2

Sept. 24th 2008

Hello Dad,

I still can't wait to hear from you! Alex was tellin me that we maybe able to hear from a counselor how you are doing. I hope you are hangin in there! Well I have one more day left at my second job...friday will be my last day. I'm excited! Although I'm very stressed right now, I still haven't found a place to live and I'm out on the 30th so less than a week. Admittedly though I haven't been looking as hard as I should. I was reading this article online, it was about this guy who thought of using freight car boxes and make houses with them. I guess they're about 350 sq ft but they equip them with a full bathroom, bedroom, kitchen and living room. Plus the containers are stackable so you can make them two stories or three up to four I believe. Pretty interesting :) Maybe we could build a house out of them and call ourselves the modern day boxcar children. Anyway I hope you are doing well.

Sept. 30th 2008

Hi dad :) Well you can see that it's taken me a few days to write back. I finally got out of my apt. I cleaned last night and I'm free and clear. For now I will be staying with David's family. It was quite unexpected but his mom offered at the very last moment, so at least I'm not sleeping in my car or sleeping on friends couches. Well the weather down here is still very hot. Maybe you can come down and visit in the next year. I bet you would like it down here. I'm feeling a little sick with a sore throat hopefully it won't get any worse. I plan to start working out more and taking care of my health. I've done pretty well eating the right foods, so now I need to start moving and workout. I have a gym membership which my job pays for so I need to start using it.

I'm glad I was able to see you back in July it was nice having breakfast with you. I miss you dad! Please get better! I love you very much :)

Love,
Melanie

Letters to Dad

Sept 17th 2008

Dear Dad,
This is your third day in rehab. I'm very proud of you that you made this first step. I read over the program and it seems to be a great one. I guess you're on blackout for 90 days, but I want to write you now and I hope you will receive them 3 months from now. 90 days from the time you went in will be Dec 15th, i'll have just missed your birthday, I will write you that day anyhow and wish you a happy birthday! I was reading in the papers that you may bring smokes for the first week, I wonder if this means you will be quitting that too? Well it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you did. :) I'm very happy you are doing this! It's very hard for me being all the way down here in California, I wish I could have seen you before you went in. Although I'm thinking about coming up for the holidays and I'm pretty sure I would be able to see you then. I can't tell you enough how proud everyone is of you...mom, Alex, Tyler, Tim, me...everyone! We love you very much and only want to see you healthy and alcohol free. We support you in your soborness! And we will alwys be there for you. Dad I have been hurt and I have sufferd as a result of your alcoholism, but I forgave you a long time ago! If I never told you before I don't hold any bad feelings toward you. I love you no matter what! After all I am the person I am today because of your values and morals you (and mom) taught me.

Sept 18th 2008

I had to stop writing yesterday...it got too busy at work, well this is day three. I hope you're doing well and keeping busy. It's about 4:30PM right now, I have to be to my next job by 5:30...I hate that place! Well I think I hate working two jobs, I quit my second job actually and my last day is Sept 26th so I have a week to go. For a second job I'm going to work for David's mom actually I started at the beggining of Sept. So I've been working three jobs I haven't had a day off this month! I'm house cleaning and organizing for David's mom, basically I'm like her personal assistant. It's actually pretty fun, I get to help organize all her pictures eventually we will make family albums but I'm getting paid to see all of David's baby pictures. This month has been too crazy for me...everything with grandpa happening then I got into a fight with my roommate so now I'm looking for a new place to live and I have to be out by the end of the month. Ahhhh!!! Well I'm sure everything will work out fine :) I can't wait to hear how you're doing and I can't wait to get that first call from you or letter :) I love you very much dad!!!

Love,
Melanie

I somewhat condradicted myself...

Two blogs ago in a far far away kingdom...jk...anyway two blogs ago I was talking about how most memories of my childhood are negative ones...the truth is...I know I've had great times as a kid growing up and I have stories for those times as well...most of the time I'm thinking of the bad things partly because I need to heal from it and have yet to do so I guess...I'm more about saying how I feel in the moment...this is going to be a long road for sure...

Take me to another place, take me to another land...

I'm too excited! I'm going back home! I can't wait, I leave Thursday! It's a road trip slash going back home trip :). I'll be traveling the west coast, Santa Barbara to Seattle and beyond! On the way I plan on stopping in Astoria/Canon Beach. They filmed The Goonies there, and Oregon has the most beautiful beaches I've been to so far...I remember as a kid, going there on a huge family vaca, I was about 4 yrs old I remember burying my cousin in the sand up to his neck. I remember stopping at a relatives house for dinner and being outside on the deck...there were big birds flying over and I remember the grown ups there telling us we would have to go inside because the birds will grab us and fly away. Looking back on that now I can't be so sure they were being truthful :P I remember trying to play "baseball" with the apple or apricot tree out front or maybe we were being pesky kids just throwing them at each other...I also remember going on a long walk through the long grass with all my family we walked through the vegetable garden to get to the field...its strange that only at 4yrs old I can remember such fond memories :)

Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I've been pondering over the idea of writing a biography...actually I know I want to but my main focus is the hardship I went through as a child...mainly from what I can remember my childhood wasn't good in the least bit...any memory of happiness there comes a memory of desolation. There are a few reasons why I haven't started this process one) my dad is the one that put my through it and out of respect for him I would like to create this after his passing 2) I know I haven't gotten over the things that have happened to me in my pass and I know it greatly effected who I am today and why I am today...its going to be a very heart wrenching experience...it will be very therapudic...I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to go through that yet, although this may be my turning point...I know I need to go through this healing process to fully come into the person I've always meant to be...bascially I'm scared. 3) I just don't know where to start what to say or how to say it...I often tell my stories to my close friends and they're always telling me I need to write this down...write that down...write a book about this...and I want to...I just don't know where to begin. Maybe this is my beggining :)

Returning to Past Lives

Lately I haven't been able to recall my dreams, maybe there's nothing worthy enough to note...I've never kept a dream journal before and a good way to always remember your dreams is to keep one right beside your bed so that you may record them as soon as you wake up...dreams are often forgotten within a half hour of awakening.

I read an interesting article today, posted on Oprah.com...http://www2.oprah.com/health/oz/slide/20080513/oz_20080513_350_101.jhtml

Dr. Brian Weiss goes on to talk about exercising your body in a way to recall past lives...one way to do this is to keep a dream journal, your mind is at its most open and accepting state when in dream mode...your subconscious is unlocked. You can interpret dreams this way and most often then not these are windows into past lives you have experienced. This can be very therapeutic to someone who has a fear of something and may not even know why...for example an individual might be scared of swimming...maybe in a past life they had succumbed to drowning...allowing your body to open up to the possibility of past lives, you could heal your spirit knowing things that had happened to you and letting go of them. Very interesting stuff. I get so excited to read about these things!

Lets drink a grapefruit martini on top of my ladder!

There I was in the most lush garden I had ever seen. I remember everything around me emitting this bright green, it gave me comfort and made me feel completely peaceful. I remember standing on top of a tall ladder right beside a tree that seem to come straight out of a Dr. Suess book, the type of tree that has poofy like sections of leaves that grew around the tree... I was standing there on top of the ladder and I remember drinking a bright pink grapefruit martini (I don't usually drink martini's) a friend of mine was looking up at me from the base of the ladder and I remember telling her I would like Salmon for dinner. After doing so I look to this poofy part of the tree and I see a sign has been posted, almost like someone is hiding in that part of the tree...the sign read "Salmon for Sale." I got this overwhelming feeling of being in danger, I felt as though whoever posted this sign was there all along and listening in on me, almost like someone was spying or stalking me... all I remember after that is feeling the need to get out of there quickly.